Approaching 43...Learning to yield and come to a complete stop.

This might sound like a lesson in "How not to get a ticket in Grove Hill", famous for its' friendly neighborhood sting operation, but it's actually the way I'm going to change my way in 2010.

For once it's not about all the things I'm going to do , like get in shape , eat healthier, keep the house clean, read more, spend less, hug my children, yada, yada, yada. Let's face it, if by 43 it aint happenin', it aint happenin' for a reason.

That reason is me.... the "me" that got me this far, and the "me" that's gotta go , to get me goin' farther. (Try to say that six times fast).

Don't get me wrong. I've gotten to this point because so many of those old resolutions have been resoluted, resolved, whatever the word may be. I'm in pretty good shape, I eat as healthy as I'm willing to pay for, my house will never be clean, I don't have any money, neither of my kids want to be hugged anymore...and now I need a challenge... Now I'm going to the inside.

While so many people are working to get what they want on the outside, myself included, recently I've come to my BIG AHA moment....no amount of possessions, surgeries, procedures or shopping trips are going to make me happier. I need to work a little deeper.

So first off, I'm going to try to learn to yield (and no, not to traffic) to people. For those of you that know me, you know I like to be in control. Some people call it "leadership", but when you have a hard time watching your husband clean the kitchen, because he's not doing it "your way", it's called "control freak" . There are times I'd rather do everything myself, for fear it won't be done "my way". I've already started letting David cook on the weekends, and it's true that even a sandwich tastes better if someone else makes it. I'm relinquishing control and letting the counters go un-wiped, the toys unsorted, and the trips go unplanned. I'm "control freaking -out"just typing it.

The second thing I'm yielding to is this aging body. I'm not going to lie and say I've never contemplated having some work done, but I realize now, it was more a reaction to all the work being done around me. Nowadays, there's competition over who's "fake" looks the most real, how some one's "real" has to be fake, and who has the best doctor. Well that little surgery tossing around in the back of my head for a couple of years is tossed out. I'm yielding to my natural body and all that it can do to change itself. If my double chin is competing with my double A's to see which can reach my belly button first, I'm yielding to gravity. If over the counter creams can't tame my laugh lines, I'm going to smile more so you can't see them. I'm going to yield to aging gracefully and feeling good and strong on the inside.


Lastly, and the hardest for me, is I'm going to come to a complete stop . In almost 12 years of marriage, we have lived in six different houses. We seem to barely get our feet on the ground, before we face another transfer, I am always looking toward our next move. The moving truck has barely pulled away and I hear myself starting sentences with "In our next house...." I've decided to stop treating my life like I'm at a "Rest Stop", on my way to our final destination. This is where I am, and I'm going to stop and enjoy. It seems a little late for this, but we've lived here longer than anywhere. I wish I would have planted my feet firmly from the beginning and not held people at bay with "We won't be here long". How do I know?

Well I do know this, I'm here now, and the "here and now" is where I'm living. I'm moving over, letting people in, and aging gratefully. Goodbye Ms. Stubborn, hello Ms. "Be prepared to merge". Let the construction begin.

Images of the Heart

Whew, this post has been a long time coming, and quite honestly, so has this wedding. It seems as if Grace and Ethan have already experienced a lifetime together, both growing up in Memphis, attending the same church, sharing the same friends and both graduating from Auburn. They share a deep history, a strong faith, and many, many, many people who love them.

The wedding was last weekend and since getting home, I've been working hard at downloading, cropping, and reviewing pictures, trying hard to decide which ones captured the beauty of the celebration.

There are none.

The images that stand out in my mind weren't captured in my camera. They were captured in my heart. Here they are in "a thousand words".

Grace's flower girls meeting for the first time and raising their little hands up to touch, palm to palm.

Grace and her Dad walking down the aisle at rehearsal, her dearest friends, family, and Ethan soaking up her unadorned beauty.

Camryn seeing Grace in her wedding dress for the first time, mesmerized by the real princess.

In the keeping room, before the ceremony, Grace on a stool, her gown flowing around her, her bridal party surrounding her in prayer.

Grace's Mom, holding her hand, and thanking God for her Grace.

Grace's friend Effie, singing during the worship service. It was truly the most beautiful, spiritual, uplifting performance I have ever heard.

These images have come back to me so many times in the last week and the love we experienced in those few days will remain with David and I.

Some beautiful things can't be captured with a lens. Those are the times we need to put our cameras down and just revel in the moment.

I'm not surprised I didn't have the picture to do this wedding justice.

As far I know, they don't have the technology to catch the beauty within our hearts.

I don't think I have the words either.